Unusual way to start

So. Perhaps this isn’t the usual way to start a blog. But then that’s me. I’m not the usual.

I always try to go above and beyond. Across the board with no limitations. But it never feels like quite enough. I mean what is it that makes it so easy to fail. What is it that makes it not good enough.

Am I a clear window that you can look through?

Am I a clouded window where shapes and colors merge?

Or am I a window with a blind pulled down and a picture always displayed?

It’s never easy to completely display true feelings. It’s never easy to reach out when it’s really needed. In fact that’s near impossible. It’s so much easier to put on an exterior to hide the damage inside, to hide the pure angst and truth behind one exterior for everyone to see. Yes it’s easier to a point but it’s also really hard and exhausting.

But that’s exactly what I do. I can’t reach out for help when I need it. No matter how hard I try. I switch into self destruct mode. But I can’t tell anyone.

But that’s me. That’s the way I operate.  That’s the circle and the viscious loop I seem to go around the edge of. I say that’s me but I think I spend more days not knowing me than I do knowing. I’m not an open book. Far from it. I come with baggage. And lots of it. I don’t have an instruction manual either.

I’m on this wild cycle of years, months, weeks, and days. All a recurring cycle. With only some things being predictable. Like the order that the days fall. And the fact there’s morning and night.

Uncertainties and the unknown just examples of things that throw me off track unfortunately more regularly than I’d like

So who am I? I’m a 25 year old female  divorce free and children free  I live with my partner whom I love very much. I didn’t go to uni but I’m not a high school drop out.I went to school and college whilst my world was falling down around me. Seemed impossible to escape from. And that was years ago. Yet that’s something that hasn’t changed.

So that’s a little about me. Let’s get going shall we?

 

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