When a song speaks exactly where I am better than I could even begin to.
‘No one knows what goes on up inside my head there’s a new kind of poison and it’s starting to spread… they don’t think I need help but I’m scaring myself. I just want to be ok’ ‘all the voices in my head are coming to life there getting louder…Running from my own mind.’ ‘Is this what I’ve become take it back what have I done’ ‘I just want to be ok’
Lyrics from Antidote by Faith Marie.
Summarises completely where I am at right now. My head just feels like it’s full of poison and that I’m fighting it constantly. I feel like I’m loosing. The face you see isn’t a true reflection. The smile is often forced and you can’t feel the pain and torture. I feel I could easily choreograph a dance routine that would perfectly represent the torture I can’t win.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who I am any more. I thought I was strong. I thought I could do it. But I don’t know if I can or even if I want to now.
‘Empty thoughts start to cloud my mind’ is a definite understatement.